I Feel A Greed...
by MateriaGirl
Summary: A Humorous Mystery! Who stole Yuffie's 5 million gil cheque? It was-


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I Feel a Greed…

Yuffie skipped along the pathway to AVALANCHE HQ. Holding a large blue cardboard rectangle, she couldn't've been happier! She knocked on the doors, politely. No one answered. She knocked on it again. No one answered. "Oh…I'm getting angry…" Yuffie grumbled, evilly. Just then, Tifa opened the door quickly and grinned.

"Yuffie!" She sarcastically gasped. "Why, I didn't know you were coming!"

"Save it, Tifa! And if you knew better, you wouldn't be talking to me like that!" Yuffie beamed.

"How come?" Tifa asked.

Yuffie uncovered the large blue cardboard rectangle she was holding. Tifa gasped and waited a few minutes to catch her breath. "…Oh my, Oh my, Oh my,…AAAAAHHHH!!" She cried, joyfully.

"Yep, read it and weep!" Yuffie grinned.

Tifa paused, "Must I really weep?"

"Metaphorically speaking!" Yuffie explained.

"You must be…happy, Yuffie. And seeing that I, Tifa Lockhart, was the first person to know that you are now officially rich, I think it best to keep it as a secret. You know, between you and me…" Tifa smirked.

"Tifa!" Yuffie snapped.

"Sorry. But since I am older, I think it's best anyway." Tifa explained, gritting her teeth together. 

"Well, I'm gonna tell everyone anyway!" Yuffie skipped up the stairs into the main room where everyone else was. Tifa quietly walked up the stairs behind Yuffie. 

Anyhow, Yuffie arrived upstairs flailing around her arms, screaming and running through the room.

Marlene happened to be running through the room too, for some really stupid yet unknown reason. They soon bumped into each other. Yuffie was flung to the back of the room, lying on her back, still clutching the cardboard cheque. Marlene was lying on her back as well, just 2 metres away from Yuffie. Marlene soon recovered. She got up, took one good look at Yuffie, I mean, Yuffie's cheque and gasped.

"Daddy! DADDY!!" Marlene hollered.

Barret soon heard Marlene's holler and thumped his way down the hall. "Coming, Marlene!"

"DADDY! I'm Rich!!!" Marlene hollered. She tried to pry the cheque out of Yuffie's hands, but Yuffie wouldn't let go.

"Marlene," Barret began, easily yanking the cheque out of Yuffie's hands. "This belongs to Yuffie. She's the one who's rich." Barret paused. What did I say? Yufiie's rich?! Impossible!…But think of the possibilities…Barret thought. Then he smirked, "Marlene, I'm sure she's not using it…" 

"Okay, Daddy!" Barret and Marlene hauled the cheque into her room which was at the very top of AVALANCHE HQ. No one, but Marlene and Barret ever went there. And besides, It takes 3 hours to climb the stairs!

Yuffie soon gained consciousness and gasped, "MY CHEQUE!!!" Everyone around her shrugged. "MY 5 MILLION GIL CHEQUE!!!" Suddenly, Everyone, except Tifa and Yuffie, smiled and thought, 5 million? Wow! I got to get that!

"Yuffie! I'd be glad to help you find it…" Vincent smiled.

"She doesn't need your help! I'll be gladER to help her find it!" Cloud smiled.

"No way! If there's one thing I know, It's how to…find money…" Cid smiled.

"But Cid, you said the only thing you know is how to operate a plane!" Aeris stated.

"AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE!!!???!" Cid yelled. Aeris shuddered.

"Well, I think I should help! After all, I was the first to know about Yuffie being rich." Tifa said, poshly. 

"…I don't trust none of ya! NONE OF YA!!" Yuffie yelled. Then she grunted, "I'll find it myself." 

Yuffie went to bed, not long after. It was 1:00 in the morning when Yuffie heard a crash. She instantly sat upwards. "Who's there?" She tiptoed out of her bed and out of her room. She could feel the wind moving past her, and it wasn't cold. That meant someone else was awake other than her. She tiptoed past the pillar that was beside her room and bumped into someone. "AAAA-"

"Quiet!" The person whispered, cupping Yuffie's mouth. "It's me, Aeris."

Yuffie soon calmed down, "Aeris…What are you doing?"

"Well what else?" She asked. "Searching for your cheque! You see, Cloud said that whoever finds it gets to keep it!"

Yuffie grumbled, "…Cloud…" She walked past Aeris and down a few more stairs where she felt more people rushing past her. She stuck out her foot and someone tripped on it.

"Owww…" The person whined.

"Who are you, and what do you know about 5 million gils?" Yuffie asked, quickly.

"That uh, Cloud said that-"

"Where is Cloud…Vincent!" Yuffie snapped, taking off the mask from his face.

"What? You figured me out!…" Vincent grumbled. "I shouldn't have worn that old Halloween mask…" He walked on past Yuffie.

Yuffie kept walking through the halls and she heard some more footsteps, pounding ones. Coming from the East hallways. "Barret?"

"How did you know?" Barret asked, Marlene on his shoulder.

Yuffie gasped and a sweatdrop came across her face as she spoke quite quickly, "…Huh? Oh, Barret! Uh, well, It was a lucky guess, sir! It has nothing to do with your large, massive, over-grown feet! Nothing, sir! Honest!"

Barret glared at her, "Riiiiiiight. Well-"

"Did Cloud send you?" Yuffie asked.

"Cloud?…Yes, that boy has been sort of screwed up lately…But no." Barret began. "Last night, Marlene's cheque was stolen!"

"MARLENE'S CHEQUE?!?" Yuffie shrieked.

"Yes, Marlene's-…Oh, wait a second-"

"THAT WAS MINE, SIR!…I mean, not to be rude, but, I won it fair and square." Yuffie explained.

"But, Daddy…" Marlene whimpered.

"Don't worry, Marlene. I'll go over to the company and they'll get me another cheque!" Barret explained.

"But, Daddy," Marlene sniffed. "What if they don't?"

"Believe me, Darling. They _will _get me the cheque!" Barret snapped, holding up his gun arm. All _armed _and loaded. "I promise it!" He turned to Yuffie. "Well, I hope you find your…cheque…bye now." Barret left.

Yuffie walked up the stairs and into her room. "Cloud will be much more easier to find in the morning. Then, I shall murder him!" Yuffie quietly settled in her bed and slept.

The next morning, it was breakfast. Yuffie, slyly walked into the kitchen where Tifa was making omelettes and Cid was making tea. Aeris was busy setting up the table with flowers and everyone else was sitting around it. No one seemed to be talking to each other.

Tifa brought over a large plate of omelettes and sat down. Everyone started talking. Yuffie sat down beside Tifa. "What's going on?" She asked.

"Uh, why do you ask that?" Tifa asked, hesitantly. 

"Well…" Yuffie looked around. Vincent, Aeris, Cid, Cait Sith, Tifa, Me, Red XIII, Barret, Marlene…But there's no- "Cloud! Where is he?" Yuffie snapped.

Tifa looked up, shocked, "Well…Maybe he just forgot about breakfast."

"Cloud is dumber than a rock, clumsier than an ogre and more pathetic than…really pathetic people! In other words, he NEVER forgets breakfast! He's-"

"I heard that!" Snapped a voice behind Yuffie.

Yuffie paused, then she growled, "Cloud…"

"Yes, it's me! Aren't I beautiful?" Cloud sarcastically asked.

"SOMETHING LINKS YOU WITH MY MISSISNG CHEQUE!! VINCENT, AERIS! YOU TOLD ME THAT-" Yuffie stared at Vincent he was clearing his throat frantically and Aeris was singing something about roses. "But you…And…You guys told me that Cloud told you whoever gets my cheque first gets to have it. Right?"

"I object!" Vincent hollered.

"We're not in court!" Aeris began. 

"Well, it sure does feel like it!" Vincent yelled. But he was interrupted by sobbing coming from Tifa.

"Tifa, what happened?" Cloud asked.

Tifa sniffed, "I slaved a countless morning on these omelettes…A Lockhart recipe…I just thought we could all get along…and eat…in peace. But I was wrong…I just thought we could all enjoy ourselves…" Then she cleared her throat and cackled evilly, "And we _will _get along. YOU HEAR ME?!?!" Everyone nodded quickly. "GOOD! NOW EAT!!!" 

Everyone sat down and began to scarf down the omelettes as quickly as possible. Vincent and Cloud quickly reached for their tea, special complements of Cid Highwind.

Vincent took one good sip of the tea, and with each moment, the sip became more coarse and scratchy. Just like he was sipping air for a long time! Cid flashed an angry look at Vincent. Vincent gulped, "…Cid…That was-"

"AWFUL!!" Cloud gasped as he gulped down the remainders of Cid's tea. "It was pathetic and, ugh, It tasted awful!"

Cid twitched around angrily, "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY TEA!?!"

"IT TASTES…LIKE…MANURE!!!" Cloud yelled. "WITH DOGGY DROPPING, JUST TO ADD FLAVOUR!!"

"CLOUD!!" Cid yelled.

"Hey now, I don't want any violence at this table while Marlene eats!" Barret explained. He raised up his gun arm. "No violence! Not even a gun shot!" Accidentally, one of Barret's bullets went off. It shot a hole in a painting that Tifa painted. The painting collapsed to the ground. "…Uh…Ooops?"

"Daddy…THAT…WAS…VIOLENCE!!!" Marlene wailed. She started crying and ran all around the main room, since her room was too far upstairs to run too.

"Marlene, don't cry…Uh, shhh…" Barret stated, hesitantly. 

"Cloud, I'd like to have a word with you. What do you know about 5 million gils?" Yuffie asked, her mouth full.

"…You have a cheque with-"

"Not anymore, you stupid person! I wanna know where my cheque is! I somehow know that YOU have something to do with it!!" Yuffie complained.

"Take it easy, Yuffie!" Tifa began. "We can always hold Cloud custody until his every will to escape is destroyed and banished with every other attempt that failed. We might get the truth out of him by then…"

"THIS IS INSANE!" Cloud yelled.

"Enough said, Tifa. Let's show Cloud…The Boots!" Yuffie cackled dragging Cloud up the stairs.

"Good idea…" Tifa replied, helping Yuffie drag Cloud upstairs.

"What? You girls have a built-in torture system?" Cloud asked.

"You could say that…"Yuffie smirked.

They dragged him up to a large door where they knocked 3 times, then opened. (That was no use, I know ^_^) Inside, was a huge wooden plank with belt hooks. Above it, were 2 large, metal chunks and ropes holding them up. There was this lever beside all of this that if you turned it, it would rotate the metal chunks up and down.

"You're going to…smush me down to size?" Cloud gulped.

"Cloud, what do you know about 5 million gils?" Yuffie asked.

"Nothin'…" Cloud mumbled.

"Then, let's get on with…The Boots!" Tifa laughed. 

They placed Cloud down on the wooden plank and hooked him to it. Tifa went to the lever. "Ready when you are!" Tifa grinned.

"Start now!" Yuffie commanded.

Tifa turned the lever and slowly, the metal chunks came closer to Cloud.

"Cloud, where is my cheque?" Yuffie asked.

"I…Marlene has it?" Cloud replied.

"Oh c'mon, Cloud! Marlene lost it last night. Said it was stolen! D'ya know anything about that?" Yuffie asked.

"…No..I don't…" Cloud panicked.

"Lower!" Yuffie told Tifa. Tifa lowered the lever and the metal was almost crushing Cloud. Then Yuffie jerked her head upwards. "I know!"

"Know, what?" Tifa and Cloud asked.

"Who stole my cheque, I know!" Yuffie explained. "And it wasn't Cloud!…C'mon!" Cloud and Tifa followed Yuffie into the main room. Everyone else was gathered around to hear Yuffie's good news.

"Who was it?" Vincent asked.

"I've figured it out! And it was….YOU, BARRET!!" Yuffie pointed at Barret who was grumbling. 

"How do you know that?" Tifa asked.

"Simple! That night, when I saw Aeris and Vincent…and Barret! Barret said he was looking for Marlene's cheque! But Tifa told me, Barret already knew it was mine. And another thing, I heard your feet coming from the East hallways! But your bedroom is in the West hallways, Barret! And you would've chased the person who stole Marlene's, I mean, MY cheque in the West Hallways! Not the East! But Cloud's bedroom is in the east! And besides, that next morning, Cloud was the latest person to show up at breakfast! And he never misses breakfast! Which also proves, he must've slept the WHOLE night! Which means, he couldn't've stole my cheque from Marlene's bedroom, because he was sleeping the whole night! And besides, Barret, how would you know if My cheque was stolen from Marlene's room? HER BEDROOM IS IN THE EAST HALLWAYS, TOO!!!" Yuffie explained. "SEARCH HIS BED!"

Everyone marched upstairs to Barret's room. And Barret, indulging in every moment, grumbled on their way there. They kicked open the door. Yuffie bended down underneath his bed and pulled out-

"THE CHEQUE!" Everyone yelled.

"That's right! MY cheque to be precise!" Yuffie picked it up, and began to RIP IT!

"Yuffie!" They all yelled.

"This was a fake! I just wanted to see how you all reacted to it!" Yuffie laughed. Everyone sighed and fell back on the floor. Yuffie began to walk out laughing, "Case: CLOSED! Ha Ha!"

THE END


End file.
